Little Goshen, Big Brother

By John Miller and Jon Hershberger

Funnies Editors

Hey guess what, you’re on camera! Well, if you’ve taken a stroll through Schrock Plaza or used the underpass recently, your actions have been broadcast over the World Wide Web for all to see. While the underpass had been under constant scrutiny for a number of months, the PR department recently swiveled the “creeper cam” to point toward the now-static fountain.

If we may, we’d like to quote Wilma Harder’s post on the Goshen Facebook page: “Ooh. Creepy.” Wilma, we couldn’t have said it any better ourselves.

Now in all honesty, this isn’t that big of a deal. But, with Goshen being the small community that it is, it’s only a matter of time until we’ll have tiny white cameras peering into every crevice of our campus. Arriving at such a pivotal moment in our college’s history leaves us with two choices: raise a fuss, or give in to Big Brother.

Luckily, we have yet to take any PJCS courses and can only assume the best solution is to accommodate the changing of tides, and let the new waves of supervision roll in. In order to help Goshen capitalize on this new PR goldmine, we’ve come up with a few suggestions for where to install new cameras.

First of all, we think everyone would like to know what’s going on in the Student Life offices. Why not stick a camera in there and let the campus in on any of the raucous get-togethers we’re sure take place there during lunch breaks? We also think it would be a good idea to have a 24/7 stream of the accounting office’s hours; we find it very fishy that they’re never open when we need them.

The Rec Center would also be an excellent place for a camera; let’s be honest, who wouldn’t want anonymous strangers watching them workout? We certainly can’t think of any drawbacks. Just the other day we were wishing that we had some way of keeping ourselves accountable to our fitness goals. If a camera were installed our moms could just make sure that we went to the gym everyday – problem solved.

Finally, we would be in favor of simply installing live-feed cameras in all the dorms, apartments and campus houses. We came to Goshen College because we wanted to be part of an amazing community, but we’ve found the biggest barrier for community to be privacy. We want to know who you’re with and what you’re doing 24/7. That way, when we finally meet you, we’ll already have stuff to talk about!

jonmh
Written by jonmh

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