My Study-Service Term to Red Lake, Minnesota with Mennonite Disaster Service was my first prolonged interaction with Kendra Yoder, and the first time I reflected on the weight of the gossip culture at Goshen College.

Yoder is a professor of sociology and co-director of global engagement here at GC, and she happened to be one of my SST leaders. One evening, after a crappy service day, she and I went on a walk outside the reservation’s casino hotel — home for our time in Red Lake due to some behind-schedule renovations.

We ended our walk by the entryway lawn, where a large, metal sculpted eagle loomed over all vehicles that entered. She took her shoes off and laid under the eagle for a moment, and I followed suit. While chatting, I noticed a tattoo on her wrist stating, “both/and” in bold black ink. I asked her what it meant shortly after.

There are two main styles of reason: dualistic and dialectical. “Both/and” is a dialectical thinking method now frequently used in therapeutic and psychological counseling. In this context, “both/and” is a suggested alternative to “either/or” reasoning.

The human brain is great at filling in gaps and recognizing patterns, but it has a hard time compartmentalizing information. For most of us, it is difficult to fully comprehend how something can be both good and bad, or painful yet insightful.

Dialectical reasoning suggests that attaining a high-level understanding can only happen when we consider the natural contradictions a situation presents us. For example, someone can do wrong by you, but that does not make them an entirely bad person.

I share this because our tendency to fall into dualistic reasoning can pose a serious threat to our empathetic capacities.

GC is a small place, with a small student body.

“Everyone knows everything about everyone.”

I wrote that sentence satirically in a funnies article from spring 2024. While this is an overgeneralized statement, there is some truth here. At least, I like to think there is.

Gossip is everywhere. On campus, it is rare to hear anyone overtly stating that they do not like someone. Here, distaste is often disguised as passive rumors.

“I heard she kissed ____ at ____ last weekend.”

“He sings really off pitch.”

“Do you know what happened to ____?! I heard they ____.”

These stories, rumors and chatterings that seemingly do no harm slowly begin to skew our perceptions of one another. We exchange a rude glance in the dining hall. We make no small talk in the dorm elevator. And suddenly, everything they say seems to annoy you for no apparent reason.

Do not get me wrong, gossip can be fun and even healthy at times.

In evolutionary history, what set humans apart from other species was our ability to communicate and convey events that were not “real” and those that had yet to happen.

Yuval Noah Harar, author of “Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind” and other scientists have called this period of human evolution the “cognitive revolution.”

Gossip and rumors are, at their core, spoken examples of the human imagination. I think our tendency to gossip alludes to a certain level of care for those around us. I mean, wouldn’t it be crazy if that person really did kiss so-and-so last weekend?! What if I found out my classmate and I have a mutual dislike for this class? Considering someone else’s life for a brief moment is not inherently problematic. That said, intent is the line between innocent curiosity and harmful gossip.

Our conversations ultimately shape our cultural and personal perceptions of redeemable and irredeemable actions, of “good” or “bad” people and “right” or “wrong” moments.

I don’t think we need to do away with gossip entirely. Instead, we need to consider our motives and pay attention to how our conversation topics influence the grace and forgiveness we extend to others. It is not something that comes naturally, but a skill we hone over time.

I like Yoder’s approach to this practice: a permanent reminder in a place she can see. As a species riddled with contradiction and never-ending complexity, I think we are all worthy of some dialectical reasoning.