Tired

What a ride it’s been.

There’s so much I have yet to say, and so much I want to say. So much gratitude: to the friends that have kept me going through endless late-night study sessions and Taco Bell runs; to my professors, the advisers and mentors that they are; and especially to the student-athletes that have given me a space to act like a child again, and jump, dance and sing my way through four years in the student section.

I don’t have space for everything I want to say, though, and you all don’t need to read my individual thank-yous to everyone (though I will write to Duane on the features page). So, instead, I want to give some brief thoughts on Goshen College as an institution.

This is a magical place. I’ve built lifelong friendships, found my passions, learned about myself, fallen in love, studied abroad, rediscovered my faith, skipped too many convos… the list goes on. I will forever have amazing memories of my time here.

But it’s not perfect.

Of course, no school is. Every college has its own growth to do, and GC has some real strengths that I have grown to love. 

But as much as I love this school, I’m ready to leave. Because I’m just tired.

I’m tired of cloudy, gray skies.

I’m tired of not having time to play Spikeball and sand volleyball anymore.

I’m tired of losing in Mario Kart at 2 a.m.

I’m tired of the divide between “athletes,” “mennos” and “locals.”

I’m tired of not having a home track meet. They’re SO GOOD! I just want to witness it.

I’m tired of being forced to pay for food without a dining hall.

I’m tired of people leaving the student section before we sing “We love you, Goshen.”

I’m tired of GC celebrating its student diversity without staff representation.

I’m tired of ResLife’s talk about switching to a “restorative” system instead of a punitive one, yet springing the three-strike system back on students without telling them.

I’m tired of this wretched myth of a dry campus.

I’m tired of seeing people drink because “there’s nothing else to do” when there is SO much else to do. It comes from deliberately defying authority — and I can appreciate that — but it’s college.

I’m tired of having so many friends who have been sexually assaulted ON CAMPUS with no repercussions against the offenders. I don’t know the answer here, but it’s horrific.

I’m tired of how “listening to students” involves admin making the smallest change we ask for and then patting themselves on the back. A $50 deposit is great, but students protested wanting actual change in the housing policy — not 40+ students to be waitlisted.

I’m tired of the Sunday brunch quiche. Maybe this is the most controversial thing here, but someone had to say it.

And I’m so, so tired of Dash not showing up. We would have kept the old squirrel around.

I’ve wanted to help fix these things. Some of them I’ve tried to — I just don’t know how, or what to do, anymore. I’m not saying all of them need to be changed. I’m not saying they even can be.

But if I’m tired, as a white Mennonite with lots of connections, imagine how students dealing more directly with these issues feel.

I love this school from the bottom of my heart, and I could write an article twice this long about all the wonderful things here. And I know there are people truly working on some of these things: Brianne Brenneman (GC will miss you), Aja Ellington, Emily Hahn, Gilberto Pérez and so many more. But I needed to say this somehow. Because I’m tired.