“The grass isn’t greener on the other side,” 

That’s what I heard from my former coach after I told him I was transferring to Goshen College.  

Now, before we dive into that lovely, totally optimistic quote, I’d like to give some context.

To start, school sucks. At least for me it does. For as long as I can remember I’ve always struggled. Everything from the ‘simple’ concepts of algebra to the early mornings scrambling to the bus. As hard as that was, though, the hardest part was working with teachers or any sort of authoritative figures.

Words such as ‘insubordinate’ and ‘disinterested’ were frequently written down on report cards or hurled at parent-teacher conferences. I was painted as the ‘bad’ kid who couldn’t care less. In reality, the insubordination was fear, and the disinterest was hopelessness. I was too scared to try because that risked failure nor did I feel like my questions and confusion were accepted. I never felt safe.

So, as a young boy, my resentment kept building. If I was portrayed as the ‘bad’ kid, I might as well become it. Talking back to teachers, outwardly giving up on homework — it was a defense. A defense that I kept using for the rest of middle and high school years.

After high school, I decided against going to college, so I took a gap year. And in a surprising twist of fate, a small NAIA school in Michigan recruited me for Track and Field. The coaches were kind, they were reassuring and they made me feel safe. The first time I’ve ever felt that in an academic context.

The grass was greener on the other side until it wasn’t. In this new place I didn’t believe in what I was learning, and I wasn’t growing in the way I wanted to. Athletically I was satisfied, but I was still unsatisfied. I realized that my growth was stunted and along with a toxic team culture, I was the decision was an easy one. Those coaches were safe, but the culture wasn’t. It simply wasn’t the place for me. I took the chance as a gap year kid, and it didn’t pay off.

So, I continued window shopping colleges on Google in search of a better home and through a close connection and luck, I found Goshen College, where once again, I took a plunge into the unknown. The previous coach who brought safety became the same old unforgiving authoritative figure, leaving me high and dry. Saying whatever he could to make me doubt my decision. Hence the lovely quote at the start.

Ever since he told me that, I can’t help but think, “Do people truly think this way?”

So, what am I trying to say? “Don’t give up,” “Just Do It!” or “the grind don’t stop”? You know, I’m not sure. I’m still figuring that out a year later. So far I’ve found a home in The Record, the cross country and track teams, the natural beauty of campus, First Fridays. All of it.

To those excited first years and nervous transfers (especially transfers), just know that the risk is worth it and there’s something to gain regardless. Don’t let your previously painted portrait follow you into this new chapter. If you feel there’s more, trust your gut. If you’ve found that safety, hang onto it. Because the grass, indeed, is always greener on the other side.