There is something bittersweet about the unknown — being so close to the end, so close to change, but having no idea how to navigate it.I was reminded this past week of just how quickly time is passing by as I sat down for my advising session and began making plans for my senior internship next spring. The semester ends in just six weeks, I’m nearly six months away from graduating, and I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing with my life.
This semester has been marked with a constant cycle of change in my life. Sure, there are smaller and unimportant things like the unwanted snowfall on Halloween, signifying that winter is well on its way, or my inability to walk into the Leaf Raker for a chicken quesadilla whenever I want (this, in my opinion, is wildly disappointing). On the other hand, I’m living alone for the first time, I have my own radio show and am a part of multiple extracurricular activities. These, I try to remind myself, are all good things.
Change is terrifying. I will be the first to admit and deny it.
By nature, I am a nostalgic person. I will find a way to miss even the smallest of things in my life, regardless of how much I enjoyed them at the time. This, I believe, is why the fast-paced ending of my senior year has felt so bittersweet.
Don’t get me wrong, there are some changes that I am more than ready to make. For starters, there is no part of me that will miss the exhaustion of having a Thursday night class, or walking across campus at sub-zero temperatures at eight in the morning. Despite this, there is a part of me that will long for those moments once again.
So, how do I cope? How do I find peace in losing things that aren’t yet gone, while coping with the weight of an uncertain future?
For anyone in the same position as me and hoping for an instant solution, sorry to disappoint, but I haven’t found one yet either.
I think that’s the point — to accept change you first have to acknowledge that it is happening in the first place.
It brings me peace to know that despite how quickly things feel like they’re moving, there are still constants: my friends and I will celebrate birthdays, I will spend the holidays with family and I will continue to visit my cats on the weekends.
In the next six months, I will experience change.
I will have to balance school, work and internships with my social life. I will go apartment hunting with my friends. I will come to terms with the end, and a new beginning.
Change is scary, but it can also be exhilarating. I will be the first to admit and deny it.