Spotify wages war with poor Mennonite students

Plato once said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.” Recently, I have been reflecting on just how true this is. Indeed, it seems like everyone is fighting a battle these days. Including me. 

My story actually starts a few months ago. I think it was October? Not totally sure honestly. Anyway, I was hanging out with some friends, and I was in charge of being the DJ. I don’t have Spotify premium, but this isn’t a huge issue, because I hardly need to skip songs anyway (my music taste is impeccable), and three ads every half hour isn’t too bad. 

We were sitting there, listening to music, when suddenly an ad popped up! Just 17 minutes after I had tapped for “thirty minutes of uninterrupted listening”. I had been cheated! Hoodwinked! Taken advantage of!! I was furious. The next time I was promised thirty uninterrupted minutes, I was careful to keep track of how much time they were ACTUALLY giving me. Spoiler alert: It wasn’t very long. 

Indignant, I began searching for ways to contact Spotify customer service. Turns out, this corporation is very difficult to contact. I dug deeper into their website, and finally found a form where I could file my complaint. I typed up a passionate message, clearly explaining everything that had happened to me, all the ways I had been wronged. Then I waited. 

A week later, I received a reply. They suggested that if I didn’t want to listen to ads, I should just get Spotify Premium. The audacity! I could hardly believe my eyes. I crafted a response, totally calling them out on their bull poo. I explained that I wasn’t complaining about the ads, I was complaining about BEING LIED TO. I sent the email with confidence, sure that justice would soon be served. 

(Now, I must confess that I did, admittedly, have a teeny ulterior motive for this battle. I thought that surely, if I complained, they wouldn’t want to deal with me and my problems, and to appease me they would just give me Spotify Premium for free. Spoiler alert: This didn’t happen) 

They responded to my email with a ridiculous request. They wanted to know which songs had been playing when the incident occurred, the phone model I have, and which version of Spotify I was using. Ridiculous. There was no way I could figure all that information out. I had lost the battle. 

However, I refuse to give up so easily. I may have lost one battle, but I will win the war. And in order to win this war, I need help. If you have had a negative experience with Spotify, send me your testimony and join my army. Together, we can stand up for our rights and hopefully all get Spotify Premium for free.

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Written by Greta Klassen, Funnies Editor

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