A modest proposal

A modest proposal

By John Miller, Funnies Editor

I want to begin by saying that I heartily enjoyed attending Kick-Off, Concerto Aria and “Cock.” Kick-Off and Concerto Aria both offered some sublime musical moments, and “Cock” sent me back and forth from laughter to nervous anticipation. For the curious, “Cock” is a thought provoking British comedy examining a man’s choice to stay with his old boyfriend, or follow after an exciting new girlfriend. However, in light of Billy Funk’s momentous senior show, all three were lacking. What was missing?

Marriage proposals.

That’s right. There hasn’t been a single event since Billy’s that involved a marriage proposal.

Billy’s proposal filled me with all sorts of emotions I am hardly capable of putting into words. Here are some words though: awe, delight, cuddly-wuddly, anxiety, funk.

Not all of those are emotions exactly, but something was definitely going on inside of me. Had I not complied with oppressive gender roles, I may have shed a tear or two. Unsatisfied with living vicariously through Billy, I had to suppress the urge to propose to Abe Stucky, my seatmate.

I now find myself in quite the pickle. Billy has set the bar for public events far too high. How can I be expected to enjoy an event that doesn’t include some sort of life-changing event for at least two people involved? Did I enjoy Monday’s convocation on relationships? No, of course not. While Jennifer Beer, our new campus counselor, did an excellent job incorporating Seinfeld into her presentation, I was incredibly let down she didn’t close by asking an audience member to be her spouse.

I suppose I can excuse Jennifer for not incorporating a proposal into Monday’s convo; it was her first presentation on campus. But the performers in Saturday’s Concerto Aria? Where’s their excuse? Josh Yoder and Chelsea Wimmer did a fine job with their duet, but I was crushed once I realized Josh wasn’t going to get down on one knee and seal the deal. Are they a thing? Does that matter?

Kick-Off and “Cock” would also have benefited from a proposal or two.  Spoiler Alert: my next Kick-Off act may involve proposing to random audience members until somebody says yes. I’ll at least be as likely to succeed as when CAC tries to randomly pick an audience member to give an iPod shuffle to.

And it seemed inevitable that after all the talk of marriage and relationships in “Cock,” that at least one couple would end up together. Alas, ‘twas not to be.

For anybody else planning a public campus event, or even speaking to audience larger than five, listen closely – Billy Funk set the bar high. Take a leap of faith. Ask that special someone the special question. At the very least I hope to see somebody get engaged the next time I’m eating in the Rott. Best of luck to the performers in this weekend’s Hour Afters.

I have high expectations.

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Written by johnm68

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