This week Goshen College is taking part in Healthy Bodies Week. The posters around campus show that there are many diverse events this week. According to the Goshen College mission statement, the college is an “environment which fosters personal, social, intellectual and spiritual growth.”

Some of us lowly males did notice one thing in relation to the activities that are provided this week, there was nothing to indicate that there would be activities for men only. We don’t want to give the impression that our feelings have been hurt by the oversight. . . sniff sniff (tear). . . but in light of the facts we would like to suggest the following additions to the program. As members of Goshen College, we believe ourselves to be a Christ-centered campus and, as we know, Jesus Christ was a carpenter before he began his ministry. To honor Christ’s work with wood, we are suggesting the following activities that are enjoyed by those most amazing of modern woodworkers, the lumberjacks.

As many men may tell you, we don’t really feel comfortably with belly dancing, most of us don’t feel that it is polite to expose the world to our hair-covered beer-guts and we have no sense of how to move our hips (hips? do we have those?). As an alternative we suggest a logrolling competition in the pool at the Recreation-Fitness Center, all genders would be welcome to participate. For those who don’t enjoy the therapeutic nature of yoga, we would suggest the therapeutic act of wood chopping.

In addition to these gender-neutral activities, we would like to suggest a few that would be gender-specific to those of us unfortunate enough to be born with our genitalia on the outside. We propose a discussion to be entitled “Men and Art: The Beauty in Biceps” to talk about how we as men need to be comfortable with our bodies. We also think that a mens-only talk about sexual enhancement products such as Viagra and Enzyte and the proper use of condoms would not be out of place.

Now, these are only suggestions but we think that they would greatly enhance the experience of Healthy Bodies Week for all individuals involved. As men who respect women we only offer our humble suggestions to help improve these proceedings. We make our efforts in the memory of GSMA, the Goshen Students Mens Association, which was supported by one of Goshen’s greatest male feminists, Charles Bontrager, and his skirts.