What your favorite musician says about you! 

Hello there! Welcome to the funnies section! We are the Spring co-editors of the funnies section, Anna Osborne and Caleb Gingerich. Two things that we love and bond over are music and personality tests, so today we’re going to bring you both. Simply pick your favorite artist from the list and prepare to be exposed by our incredibly accurate algorithm. Enjoy!

 

Tame Impala

You’re not like other girls; you’re different. You try to be unique in changing your appearance by either dying your hair or cuffing your sleeves. You are laid back and people are naturally drawn to you (with music taste like yours, who wouldn’t be?). Your room is full of tapestries and string lights with a record player in the corner. Your favorite color is a variant of either blue or green. There are no exceptions. Overall, you are a rad, yet slightly self-conceited, lad.

Beethoven 

You participate in more than one Goshen music ensemble, and because you’re a well-rounded individual, you’re a biochem and math double major who TA’s and heads a few clubs in your spare time. Your life goal is to live in as many campus houses as possible and you will stay in the midwest until you die. You are the quintessential Goshen student.

Joyce Manor

There is no getting around this one; you are emo. You likely grew up in a rural area in the midwest. Since there was nothing fun for you to do in your hometown, you became edgy and fell into an emo phase. At least that’s what your mom thought it was. But you knew all along that it wasn’t a phase, it has always been lifestyle. You probably didn’t talk to your parents for a few years purely because you hate authority. Your ideal Friday night consists of staying in and eating a quart of ice cream while watching Up and crying at all the sad parts. You are in pain.

Drake

Before we do this one, it is important to acknowledge the objectivity of these descriptions. Each description is carefully crafted using peer reviewed scientific methods. On an unrelated note, if you enjoy listening to Drake, that must mean you treasure the bland and dry aspects of life. Your daily lunch consists of raw tofu and a singular slice of whole wheat bread. You love doing fun activities such as cleaning dishes and painting fences. You are average.

Taylor Swift

You cry a lot and it’s usually your fault because you exclusively listen to heart wrenching music. Stop listening to Driver’s License on repeat, it’s not going to make you feel better. Your favorite meal replacement at the Fraker is the cheese quesadilla, but you never dip them in salsa because it is too spicy. I have a hunch that you have a therapy pet. People only ever describe you as “nice.”

CAAMP 

You are a milk drinker. I shouldn’t have to say anything else, but I will. Not only do you drink milk for your own enjoyment, but your biggest shame is that you drink cow’s milk more often than the non-dairy alternatives. You channel your frustrations into curating an extensive plant collection. There is nothing you could say that would convince me you’re not going on SST to Ecuador to fulfill your Spanish minor. When asked what your hobbies are, you say that you love to read and be outdoors, but do you? You are a poser.

Keith Urban 

You’re not the kind of country music listener who participated in Drive Your Tractor to School Day, in fact you grew up in a city and your parents drive a fuel efficient car. Nonetheless, you like to think about what it would be like to ride a horse. I’m sad to tell you that if you ever went to the country, they would beat you up. Really, all you are is a closet horse girl.

The Beatles 

YOU were born in the wrong generation. Who cares about the misogyny and racism, you wish you had lived in the 60s. You think going on SST to Indonesia is a personality trait and the jury’s still out on whether or not you’re right. You went through a One Direction phase that lasted entirely too long and you base your personality off of your latest obsession. Mainstream is the best way to describe you, but it’s also your worst nightmare, so that just makes you a hypocrite.

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Written by Anna Osborne, Funnies Editor

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