Dear Annoying Brother

MANDIRA PANTA

Contributing Writer

mpanta@goshen.edu

No, this is not a letter.
And did you really think I would write you a letter? I did this with the profound hope that you will read it if it’s addressed to you. First, let’s start with some basic things.

  1. Sometimes, I feel that my theory that mom and dad found you on the temple steps and brought you home feels so true, especially when you send me the pictures of home- made mutton curry and fish-fry and caption it “Hungry?” I have already come up with multiple ways to get back once you start living in the dorms.
  2. Stop tagging me in stupid memes. “Tag your beautiful sister” with the pictures of monkeys and buffalos. Tag me one more time in any such kind of posts and I’m going to block you. Or worse, I will post all your embarrassing pictures and tag that girl*.
  3. My stash of chocolate is MINE. And don’t eat my snacks. I don’t know how you manage to find them even when I hide them inside my sock drawer.
  4. If you ever snatch the remote when I am watching TV, I’m going to scream my throat out and create a big drama scene. Mom and dad will obviously side with the daughter who is home after so long. You know my greatest source of happiness? It’s you getting scolded.
  5. And I’m sure that you cheat in Monopoly. There’s no way that I always lose when I’m playing with you.

Aside from that, I’m glad that I have you by my side when I’m surrounded by our dysfunctional family. You are the only one I can count on to follow my stupid advice which makes me feel like a ‘big sister’. Well, that’s understandable because I also listen to your stupid conspiracy theories about everything from evolution to a TV series.

You-know-who

P.S. I saw the picture that dad sent after your first shave.

 


Written by Record

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