Discussion killers

Discussion killers

PHIL LONGENECKER

Funnies Editor

philip14@goshen.edu

Teacher:  Thank you for joining our group discussion today! Why don’t we all go around and share our names and a little bit about ourselves before we begin.

1. Hi, my name is Anecdote Anne, it’s an honor to meet you all. I like to abruptly swerve productive discussions into a tangential abyss by relating the topic to my own life experience, even if it takes two, three, maybe even eight minutes to come around to my point.

2. Hi, I’m Whisper William… I speak super quietly and force everyone to lean forward in anticipation, only to trail off into incoherent mumbling, followed by slowly sinking down into my chair until only the top of my head is visible over the table.

3. Hello, I’m Vomit Veronica! I’m sooo excited for this discussion, eeeek! God, where do I begin!? There’s just SO much! Okay. When it’s my turn to speak, I vomit loads of loosely connected ideas, effectively transforming the once focused discussion into a directionless quagmire; because if we’re going to talk about one thing, we should really be talking about everything!

4. My turn? Oh, okay. Let’s see. Ummm hello, my name is No Longer Relevant Raymond. By the time it’s my turn to speak, the conversation has shifted, but I’ll still make my now-antiquated contribution despite knowing full well it will regress the discussion, because I want the participation points… I think we should include our majors in our introductions too. What do you think, would that be good?

5. Greetings, I am Hyperbole Hank! What you just said, Raymond, was probably the greatest thing I’ve ever heard. I want to affirm you so hard right now. Majors never get used in introductions enough on this campus, you know?

6. Hi… I guess…? My name is On-The-Fence Terrence, I think; something like that. *Sigh* I dunno, I like class discussions, but I also don’t, you know? I don’t really have an opinion either way. Did I have a favorite part in the book? Ehh, not really, I kinda liked it all… Did the author make any good points? I mean… I guess… Kinda going back to what Hank said… I think he summed it up pretty well…

7. Hi there, I’m Poor Reference Patty. I always start my comments with “You know how…” and then try and relate the topic of discussion to an obscure movie reference that no one gets and then close with “Oh well then, never mind. It only makes sense if you’ve seen it.”

Teacher: Great! Let’s get started! Let’s talk as a group about what the word Identity means to you… Anne, wanna start us off?

Written by Record

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