Spring Kick Off, a campus-wide talent show, has been cancelled because there were already too many venues where talented students could show off.
I, for one, am glad it’s cancelled. What about the masses of untalented students perpetually left out? It just wasn’t fair. Do we really need the same talented students shoving their skills down our throats twice a year for four years straight? Thanks, but no thanks, Maggie Weaver. We already know you’re good at everything.
But what about me? I don’t have any marketable talents. I can’t really sing or dance that well. I’m not very funny, which is why they put me in the Record, not up on stage. Basically, I’m pretty mediocre at everything.
But, if the election of Trump has taught me anything, it’s that less talented and unqualified people can succeed at anything if we just put our minds to it.
That’s why I’m so thankful that CAC has decided to replace Kick Off with the Lip-Sync Battle. Zero skill required, except doing what I do badly in front of the mirror anyway. Why have actually talented singers perform original pieces or beautiful covers when we can hear people pretending to sing while the original song plays over a boombox? This event right here is the performance venue for the masses, not the talented elite, except, of course, that the masses will not attend.
It doesn’t matter that bands like Kansas Bible Company, Destiny’s Child and The Beatles all got their big breaks on the GC Kick Off stage. If people don’t have the chance to watch me lip-sync one of these bands’ songs publicly, then this thing called life is all just one failed experiment. Nor does it matter that Spring Kick Off helped raise funds for our favorite charities. Charities, like Kick Off, are overrated.
The real reason for cancelling one of the most highly loved and attended events of the year is certainly not the simple fact that the college is experiencing budget cuts in almost every department. No, because admitting budget cuts are happening would be way too transparent and bad for admissions. There are far better options to justify the cancellation that make the whole thing seem very purposeful, like claiming that a highly successful event is just getting a little dry.
Like Student Life explained in the news article last semester, there are already so many other venues that talented people can be heard in, but the Lip-Sync Battle will not be one of them. Please save that particular stage for untalented people like me.