The Christmas season is quickly approaching, and once again, I find myself single. But it seems better that I remind myself, rather than my grandma reminding me every time she sees me.
I was hoping that my sister’s wedding would keep my grandma so preoccupied with asking when she’ll be a great-grandma that she wouldn’t have time to ask questions about my love life, but Thanksgiving proved that to be unsuccessful.
So in an attempt to keep my grandma from asking questions, I’m looking for a date to my family Christmases.
As the editor-in-chief of a small, but powerful newspaper, the Record seemed like the most natural place to start this search.
(Well, I started at the Brew actually. I sat there reading a book for at least five hours one evening and still walked out single. Movies have set me up for some real disappointment.)
Before we start, just know that I’m not looking for anything long-term necessarily, just a boyfriend for at least 11 days between Dec. 18 and Dec. 29., after which my heart can be “tragically broken” and maybe I could get a care package with cookies that I’m willing to share with the “ex.”
So here is what I’m looking for.
1. Someone who is willing to spend 11 days in Ohio. I promise it really isn’t all that bad. Sometimes the snow makes it really pretty. On second thought, just bring lots of layers, and you’ll hopefully be fine.
2. Someone who doesn’t get angry easily. There is a very real chance that my uncle could say some very offensive things, and I need someone by my side who will not get into an argument about welfare with him on Christmas.
3. Someone who likes to eat. Both sides of my family really like food, and they also like to bring more food than can be reasonably consumed, so if you’re on some kind of diet, I’ll have to pass.
4. Someone who’s ready to jam out to “High School Musical.” The car ride home is close to two hours, so you better believe we’ll be soaring and flying.
5. Someone who is not a morning person. My family doesn’t own a coffee maker, and I don’t like dealing with people before 10:00 a.m., especially if I don’t have any coffee.
And finally, perhaps the most important thing I’m looking for:
6. Someone who is good at Wii bowling. It sounds odd, I know. But every year, my family has a Wii bowling tournament (my grandma even plays), and my cousin has won for the past three years straight. He’s getting pretty arrogant.
Each year the rest of us cousins joke that we’ll spend the next year searching for a significant other, and the most important requirement for them would be whether or not they were good at Wii bowling.
Well this year, it stops being a joke. So if you’re good at Wii bowling, hit me up, as the young kids say (I don’t actually know what they’re saying these days; I’m a senior in college who’s turning to her college newspaper to find a date for Christmas).
Before you sign on, being good at Wii bowling means a score of at least 270, if not 300. My cousin is scary good. I can work with 225; we’ll just use the 11 days in Ohio to practice.