As a student presumably in his final year at Goshen College, I have perfected some aspects of life to make the college experience a fun, yet insightful period. From my days as a shy, reserved freshman to the social butterfly you see today, my journeys have led me to many profound revelations. In many ways I am like a modern day Yoda; I’m short, I have gained wisdom through years, I often unintentionally scramble words while talking and I have wicked skills with a tennis racket. So yeah, you should definitely heed my words of wisdom. For your convenience, I have compiled my findings into a list of life hacks that will count as credit for a CORE class. Get ready kids; class is in session.
1. Expect to have fun: I’ll admit I’m still not super familiar with all the words to the Alma Mater, but I am about 80 percent certain that the chorus contains the line “Ooooohhh oh oh-oh oh oh, we don’t even have to try it’s always a good time!” So be prepared for the upbeat quirky experience that is Goshen!
2. Start off right: Look your best for your first yearbook pictu-oh wait that’s right, we got rid of the yearbook. Moving on.
3. Don’t be afraid to stand out: Professors may try to tell you that the goal is for most students to take wellness within their first two or three semesters of school, but there is absolutely no shame in taking wellness as a senior.
4. You’re now Mennonite: Even if you don’t come from a Mennonite background, you’re now officially a Mennonite. Don’t try to fight it; just embrace it.
5. Understand boundaries: Yes, most of Goshen’s profs will be fine with you calling them by their first name, but don’t push the envelope. For instance, it’s fine to call David Kendall, David. But avoid addressing them like “My main man JoRo (John Roth).”
6. Winning is everything: Go to just one CAC trivia night, and you’ll understand.
7. Find people you can trust: For example, DO NOT trust Michigan State to win once mid-March comes around.
8. Rediscover childhood movies: A few examples are the vastly underrated films Oliver and Company and Fievel Goes West.
9. Don’t vote for Trump: That one kind of speaks for itself.
10. Play intramurals: There is no better way to build confidence, community and enjoy a team experience than intramural sports. Also, what’s a better ego boost than accosting one of the poor refs?
11. Positivity: Approach each new day and experience with the same wonder and excitement that Mr. Rogers or Curious George would.
12. Converse wisely: Goshen is a place where many topics can be discussed, yet some are just too off-putting to bring up. For example, Star Wars episodes I-III should be considered off limits. Even parts of Return of the Jedi should be left alone.
13. Look up: Seriously, if you’re walking under trees on campus keep a vigilant look out for rogue squirrels. Those little suckers can drop on top of you, causing you to take off sprinting.