‘How to Study’ in 10 Steps

Nathan Geiser
Contributing Writer

As exam season approaches, here are my 10 study tips that you literally won’t find anywhere else.

  1. Look to the person on your left, and then look to the person on your right. Both of these people saw you playing Candy Crush on your iPad.
  2. Go to the Academic Writing Center. But not after dark, because two thirds of Academic Writing Center staff are vampires.
  3. In the “words” of President Jim Brenneman, “Play more League of Legends.”
  4. Professors can see the last time you checked Moodle. So, constantly refresh the page to impress them and get an A.
  5. In the movie series “Star Wars,” there is a Sarlacc Pit where a giant underground plant worm digests its still-living prey for a thousand years. Make sure to ace your exams. Otherwise, the registrar’s office is waiting with an anti-gravity barge to dump you in that Sarlacc Pit.
  6. Goshen College bought the anti-gravity barge with the money saved by filling in the pool.
  7. Instead of studying for one long-time slot, break your studying into small chunks. In between, check Facebook.
  8. Stay hydrated. Doctors recommend drinking one or two quarts of water right before your test.
  9. Try not to be late for exams, but if you are, make sure to have a good excuse. “A UFO abducted my alarm clock” is a tried and true Goshen favorite.
  10. See you on the other side—or in the Sarlacc Pit. No pressure, fellow Maple Leafs
Written by Record

1 Comment responses

  1. Avatar
    April 17, 2014

    Thanks for publishing my article! I have a very minor question on style so that in future submissions I leave less grammar or readability issues for editors. I am wondering why “one long time slot” was changed to “one long-time slot.” I also noticed quotation marks were added to to “words” in the statement “In the words of Jim Brenneman.” Sorry if it was not originally clear that this was a facetious quote.


Leave a comment