Hayley Brooks and Jake D. Smucker
firstname.lastname@example.org and email@example.com
Neo-platonism: Strawberry, vanilla and chocolate with a hint of Black Death.
Sfumato: A lightly salted meat popular in Italian cuisine.
Contrapposto Pose: Positioning the body to closely resemble a used pool noodle, popularized by Italian modeling agencies.
Chiaroscuro: An artistic rendering of Chia pets, specifically in the likeness of Mr. T.
Mannerism: A technique used by Italian Renaissance painters to portray impolite people as possessed by demons .
Still Life: Yup, we’re still living it.
Genre: French for “genie.”
Naturalism: covering the body (any body, really) in leaves and standing on a busy highway.
Humanism: People exist.
Caravaggism: A type of performance art wherein the artist sits on top of a caravan while gently placing sfumato directly in the middle of the tongue in timed intervals.
Counter-reformation: Converting counters to Christianity by sacrificing an animal on top of them.
Idealism: Fifteenth-century selfies.