Alternate Art History Definitions

Hayley Brooks and Jake D. Smucker
Contributing writers
hjbrooks@goshen.edu and jdsmucker@goshen.edu

Neo-platonism: Strawberry, vanilla and chocolate with a hint of Black Death.

Sfumato: A lightly salted meat popular in Italian cuisine.

Contrapposto Pose: Positioning the body to closely resemble a used pool noodle, popularized by Italian modeling agencies.

Chiaroscuro: An artistic rendering of Chia pets, specifically in the likeness of Mr. T.

Mannerism: A technique used by Italian Renaissance painters to portray impolite people as possessed by demons .

Still Life: Yup, we’re still living it.

Genre: French for “genie.”

Naturalism: covering the body (any body, really) in leaves and standing on a busy highway.

Humanism: People exist.

Caravaggism: A type of performance art wherein the artist sits on top of a caravan while gently placing sfumato directly in the middle of the tongue in timed intervals.

Counter-reformation: Converting counters to Christianity by sacrificing an animal on top of them.

Idealism: Fifteenth-century selfies.

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