Unequal distribution of resources leaves the 75% displeased, hungry

Late Tuesday night, Logan Simensen, a senior from Harrisonburg, VA, received two Ziploc bags, one full of cookies, the other full of deer jerky.  Upon receiving these items from a “Mr. Simensen” — presumably Logan’s father — the younger Simensen promptly offered the jerky to his apartment mates and placed the cookies out of public sight.

“I don’t share things that I really like,” commented Simensen.  “And I really like cookies. Especially Betty’s cookies.”

The jerky was described as “too salty” by the elder Simensen — he reported that he would bring a better batch that he will have prepared himself. Apartment mates Sean Fredinburg, Ben Baumgartner and Daniel Penner all hungrily eyed the cookies, but were not offered any. Fredinburg even added, “Boy, I sure haven’t had a homemade cookie in a while.” Still, no cookie was offered, and only silence followed.

It is unknown whether or not Simensen will share the cookies, but Baumgartner reports that the outlook in Apartment 209 remains hopeful.  “I mean, we have all this milk in the fridge, and I’d hate to just use it with cereal. I think Logan can understand that.” Seven of the original twelve cookies remain as of three o’ clock Wednesday afternoon.

Written by Daniel Penner

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