Changes on the horizon

Due to budget cuts, today the Record announced that the funnies page will no longer feature any humor.

“These are tough economic times and we really need to be cutting back; humor is something we can’t really afford right now.  Although it may be disappointing for students, making the funnies page as boring and uninteresting as possible seems like the only option to move forward,” said the editor.

Gone will be the articles as well as comics.  They will be replaced by random stream of consciousness ramblings, pictures of furniture, and state legislation. Some of the least interesting Inside/Outside Voices will be allowecd to remain.

Daniel Penner, one of the current funnies writers responded by saying “I understand it will be a difficult transition for me moving from being funny to being mind-numbingly boring, but I feel it is a challenge that I am up to undertaking.”

Editors will now be required to take English 173 “Writing to Bore Your Audience” so they are suitably able to deliver the most bland and humorless page.

The editor reassured readers by saying, “At first it might be an abrupt switch for our readers, but in time we can show them we can deliver some of the best boring material a school paper can offer.”

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Written by Jacob Landis-Eigsti

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