Advice Column

Advice Column

Dear Captain Advice,

I’ve really hit it off with this guy already. We held hands on walk a mile, and almost made eye contact twice today. Last night, we sat next to each other in the connector. I think we’re heading towards something, but I’m afraid to tell the girls on my floor.  He lives  on Yoder 2, and I heard he’ll get wrapped up in duct tape and carried to the shower if he starts dating someone. What should I do??! –“Troubled” on Kratz 1

Dear “Troubled,”

Simple…people fear the unknown.  Some night when he’s sleeping, break into his room, tie him up and throw him in the shower.  Then when he inevitably has his floor mates toss him into the shower, it will be a breeze for him.

Dear Captain,

I’m a first year, and I’m pretty good at learning dance routines, singing and I can play a variety of instruments. I really want to do something awesome at kickoff, but I’m not sure what to do since I’ve never been to one before. Do you have any suggestions for kickoff acts that would totally impress everyone?

–“5th Grade Talent Show Champ” from Kratz 2

Dear “Champ,”

I would highly recommend you sing and dance the song “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley.  You would be guaranteed to win.

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Written by Jacob Landis-Eigsti

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