Dear Campus Community,
I have a confession to make. I have, as they say in the biz, “stolen the funny.” That’s right: last week’s article, “Reflections on a past depression,” was not written by me but was in fact penned by Aaron Kaufmann and Jacob Schlabach.
There is little I can say to defend myself at this juncture. There are times when a person just has urges beyond their own control. These vices take many forms, of which I am sure we are all aware. Until last week, I knew not what my own vice was.
Lo and behold, I have found that it is the compulsive theft of the humor of others. Utterly reprehensible in any of our world’s multifarious cultures, humor theft is often punishable by anything ranging from fines, to imprisonment, exile or even incredible death. I would gladly submit myself to any/all of these punishments in atonement for my heinous deed.
However, I hope that as Goshen College is a community of forgiveness, these things are not necessary. In fact, this grave error on my part has gone largely unrecognized. So it is with humility that I inflict upon myself the punishment of a public apology. I will apply the cat o’ ninetails, and thusly be cleansed:
Sorry, dudes. I totally forgot to have your article relabeled with your names after I submitted it for publication. Oops! It won’t happen again. I promise. So please (please, please!) don’t abandon the funnies page to rot away in its own self-referential indignity. I’ll even consider giving you a kitten for your troubles.
The Real Tyler Yoder