Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Author Archive

Dr. Fashion: Orchestrate your appearance

Author: jonmh • Dec 5th, 2012 • Category: funnies
Dr. Fashion: Orchestrate your appearance By Brian O’Leary, Contributing Writer and Matthew Amstutz, Perspectives Editor From the sauciest of unfair trade factories in southeast Asia comes the newest line of designer wear. O’Lamestutz Boutique would like to introduce Dr. Fashion, a blend of...

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Little Goshen, Big Brother

Author: jonmh • Dec 5th, 2012 • Category: funnies
By John Miller and Jon Hershberger Funnies Editors Hey guess what, you’re on camera! Well, if you’ve taken a stroll through Schrock Plaza or used the underpass recently, your actions have been broadcast over the World Wide Web for all to see. While the underpass...

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Inside/Outside Voices 11/29

Author: jonmh • Nov 29th, 2012 • Category: funnies
Hi, this is Hans Jacob Weaver and I would just like to say that I enjoy Arizona Tea. I buy it all the time by the case, and I drink it all the time on the weekends. - Allegedly Hans Weaver I’m a dog! … woof. I’m a cow! ... mrow. I'm a chicken! ...meow. I'm...

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Inside/Outside Voices 11/15/12

Author: jonmh • Nov 15th, 2012 • Category: funnies
I am an independent man. I don’t need no woman! - Allegedly Grant Miller Marshal’s beard holds many secrets. - An anonymous, yet wise, woman. Hi, this is Jared Miller, and I just wanted to let the campus know: if there is one thing I never have enough of, it’s...

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Inside/Outside Voices

Author: jonmh • Nov 7th, 2012 • Category: funnies
Apple cider and hotdogs rock my world! Go Goshen. - Ryan...

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Inside/Outside Voices 11/1

Author: jonmh • Oct 30th, 2012 • Category: funnies
Hello, I would just like to thank you for filling me in on all the useless knowledge from Howell house that happens throughout the week. Without you, I wouldn’t know all this useless nonsense. So from the rest of the GC community, thank you. Sincerely, Rudy Litwiller. -...

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Connector connections

Author: jonmh • Oct 18th, 2012 • Category: funnies
By Jonny Hersh Funnies Editor After walking through the Connector for the third time this year, I realized how much I miss it. I miss the interesting smells wafting from the kitchens and the happy sounds of college-induced immaturity. But most of all, I miss making...

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Climate devastates regional flora, fauna expected to perish soon

Author: jonmh • Oct 18th, 2012 • Category: funnies
Climate devastates regional flora, fauna expected to perish soon By Reuben Ng Contributing Writer A devastating wave of plant-death is beginning to roll across the northern hemisphere. Botanical expert Leif Barc claims that he and his colleagues have been "tracking the most unprecedented loss of foliage and vegetation in nearly...

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Inside/Outside Voices

Author: jonmh • Oct 11th, 2012 • Category: funnies
Hi, this is Jared Miller and I wanted you to know that I just love alumni weekend because there are so many, ya know, alumni. - Jared Miller (most likely Ted Maust) Even though I’m from Nebraska, lets be honest; no one cares about Nebraska. Okay, bye! - Allegedly...

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That intolerable obfuscation: A grievance I can bear no more

Author: jonmh • Oct 3rd, 2012 • Category: funnies
By Reuben Ng Contributing Writer I would like to bring to you a brief qualm I have with the Dining Hall which, as I have recently been informed, still bears the redeeming title of “the Rott.” Now this is far from the usual complaints, as these have been hashed and...

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I am not a lion, says Brian

Author: jonmh • Oct 3rd, 2012 • Category: funnies, lead
I am not a lion, says Brian By Brian OLeary Contributing Writer I would just like to state now that I am not, nor have I ever been, a lion. This simple fact is one I have never had to express before, yet it seems necessary now that there has been a sudden explosion of ignorance on the Goshen...

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Inside/Outside Voices 9/27

Author: jonmh • Sep 27th, 2012 • Category: funnies
"Hi, this is Molly Kraybill calling. Shout out to to best Record editor, B. Kraybz. I hope you put a "z" at the end of that. Also, E.M.U. That is all." -Molly Kraybill "I think more females need to call Inside-Outside Voices for issues of gender equality." -Grant...

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Insert autumn pun here

Author: jonmh • Sep 19th, 2012 • Category: funnies
Why yes, it’s almost that time of year again. School has begun anew. First-years are awkwardly squawking about performing strange, what I assume to be strange, mating rituals; a harmonious tone fills the air of each home soccer game; and Bob Yoder, Campus Pastor (BYCP),...

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An ode to Goshen

Author: jonmh • Sep 19th, 2012 • Category: funnies
By Jon Hershberger Funnies Editor From first year to super senior I think we’d all agree That Goshen’s a fine school, to earn a (somewhat) useful degree We’ve got athletes, scholars, musicians; we even have much more: This year’s the first, but now we’ve...

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Not just a mail problem

Author: jonmh and jonmh • Sep 12th, 2012 • Category: funnies
By Jonny Hersh Funnies Editor Don’t get me wrong, my parents are very smart people. However, I always wondered how wise it was to pair two incredibly common names, Jonathan and Miller, with a fairly common Mennonite last name – Hershberger. I imagine my mom...

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