Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Author Archive

Graduation top ten

Author: brianao • Apr 17th, 2013 • Category: funnies
Graduation top ten Hello again, dear readers. I don’t know if you have realized this yet, but this issue of The Record is the last one of the year! Another spring semester has come and gone and for many of you that just means May term, summer, then another year. But some of us, like...

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Inside/Outside Voices 4/11/13

Author: brianao • Apr 10th, 2013 • Category: funnies
"Eight months ago Becca Yoder returned from Peru SST. Eight minutes ago I picked a dead nit from Becca Yoder's hair. I hate lice." -Unidentified lice hater "Becca Yoder just wanted to make it clear that she did not declare her lice when she passed through Customs into...

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Hare’s the truth about Easter

Author: brianao • Apr 3rd, 2013 • Category: funnies
Hare’s the truth about Easter By Brian O'Leary, Funnies Editor As some of you April-or-May not have noticed, this past Sunday was Easter. Now I do not know about the rest of you, dear readers, but I personally find Easter to be an egg-cellent time of year, full of good cheer and hoppy...

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Objection! New Conscientious Objector released

Author: brianao • Mar 20th, 2013 • Category: funnies
By Brian "The Lion" O'Leary, Funnies Editor Breaking news:  The Conscientious Objector, Goshen's secondary source of humor, finally released another issue of their paper this week. For those of you who do not know the Conscientious Objector, it is a one-page...

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Inside/Outside Voices 3/14/13

Author: brianao • Mar 13th, 2013 • Category: funnies
"Yeah this is Josh Snyder, King-o-the-Castle of Goshen Athletics. I just want to shout out to the soccer team, my team, because I am a coach and I just want to say that we rock." -Josiah 'King-O-The-Castle' Simpson "This is Josh Snyder, I'm just having a good time. Me...

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A fiery new symbol

Author: brianao • Mar 7th, 2013 • Category: funnies
A fiery new symbol By Brian "the Lion" O'Leary, Funnies Editor In light of John D. Roth’s call during convocation for the construction of a new "Martyrs Mirror," I would like to make my own challenge to the status quo by soliciting a new mascot for Goshen College. I recognize that the...

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Inside/Outside Voices 2/21/2013

Author: brianao • Feb 21st, 2013 • Category: funnies
"Hello, this is Josiah Simpson. I would just like to say anybody at Goshen College is welcome to challenge me to a booty shaking contest. 'Cause right now I'm king-o-the-castle. So if you're ready to throw down let me know! Peace." -Josiah 'King-o-the-castle'...

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Inside/Outside Voices 2/14/2013

Author: brianao • Feb 13th, 2013 • Category: funnies
"Hello this is Kaleb 'Short Tie' Batten calling to let everyone know that I can say anything and get it printed in Inside/Outside Voices because I say the word short tie. Short Tie!" -Nathaniel Tann "This is Josh Yoder calling and I would just like to say that I just...

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Shenanigans! A call for legal action

Author: brianao • Feb 13th, 2013 • Category: funnies
By Brian O'Leary, Funnies Editor Last week the Goshen College community heard disturbing news that some hooligan had been using a Twitter account under a fake name to garner attention and spread gossip about GC students. That’s right, "Goshen Weekends" was a hoax! The...

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Inside/Outside Voices 2/7/13

Author: brianao • Feb 7th, 2013 • Category: funnies
"Hi, my name is Indy Miller and I am inside voices but I am outside voices right now because I am inside but I am outside!" -Indy Miller using Grace Boehm's phone " from everyone on Cambodia SST. How's that winter weather treating you Goshen? It's about, lets see, 80...

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An encouraging letter

Author: brianao • Feb 7th, 2013 • Category: funnies
Fill in the blanks with your own words! Dear, I know that you have decided to on your career as a/an , but I want you to . Just think about how many rely on your services. Every you keep of satisfied and ensure that they lead lives. Remember how many times you...

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Standouts of the month: January

Author: brianao • Jan 30th, 2013 • Category: funnies
By Brian O'Leary, Funnies Editor Here in the Funnies section of The Record, we toss criticism around like it's confetti. We like to find fault with just about anything. Indeed, two weeks ago I critiqued the SST program, one of the truly great things about Goshen College....

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Auditing SST: a petition for GC reform

Author: brianao • Jan 17th, 2013 • Category: funnies
Auditing SST: a petition for GC reform As a senior Bible and Religion major, I have been around the Goshen College block, so to speak. I have taken classes with many professors on campus and tested the waters of various concentrations and areas of study. One time I even swam in a fountain, but do not tell...

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