Vegetarians: Crazy? Or Simply Misunderstood?

Vegetarians: Crazy? Or Simply Misunderstood?

Kate Yoder
Funnies Editor
kmyoder@goshen.edu

Maria Jantz
Funnies Editor
mkjantz@goshen.edu

Jantz asks, Yoder answers.

Q (MJ): On a scale of 1 to dead animal, how ridiculous is vegetarianism?

A (KY): I think it’s pretty reasonable, actually. I usually go around sneering at any being that is part of the meat-eating process, including the animals themselves. Sure, cow, you might not want to be eaten, but you’re just part of the system.

Q: Do you eat fish? Jesus ate fish.

A: Well, if you take a post-modernist, gender-inclusive, Freudian approach to reading the Bible, you’ll see that Jesus didn’t actually eat “fish.”

Q: You say you don’t eat animals, but do you eat animal crackers?

A: If I received a nickel for every time I was asked that question, I’d have 20 cents–still not enough to buy a bag of animal crackers. But no, I would never eat an animal cracker. Would you eat a human cracker? It’s just a slippery slope from there to cannibalism.

Q?: Fair point, fair point, I wouldn’t eat a human cracker. But it’s not like animals have feelings.

…Yoder asks the questions now.

Q (KY): So, what’s your favorite method of killing cute animals, like wombats and ferrets?

A (MJ): I prefer machetes, personally. Although a car isn’t a bad instrument of death, either. Roadkill soufflés are quite tasty.

Q: Would you consider yourself a sort of Grim Reaper of the animal kingdom?

A: I see myself as more of a Darth Vader, really. Or maybe Lord Voldemort.

Q: Do you have a nose?

A: Yes.

Record
Written by Record

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