Yoder Relinquishes Coveted Position

Yoder Relinquishes Coveted Position

Kate Yoder
Funnies editor
kmyoder@goshen.edu

Kate Yoder, a Funnies editor who sometimes writes about herself in third person, experienced a life changing event two weeks ago.

At the event, known as a “house meeting,” Yoder brought up the subject of “chores,” or jobs performed by members of the household. These tasks include everything from scrubbing the porcelain throne to emptying the food scraps caught in the kitchen drains.

Chores are typically performed while yodeling along with “The Lonely Goatherd” from the Sound of Music, moonwalking, and/or maintaining an animated Skype conversation.

At a house meeting five months ago, Yoder enthusiastically volunteered for the position of taking out the trash and compost.

“I’ll do it!” Yoder said, uncharacteristically excited.

Her quick response induced groans from her six fellow housemates, who said in unison, “But that’s the job I wanted!”

For five months, Yoder exercised her privileges by dumping food scraps in the community garden, tying trash bags, and forgetting to take the trash can out to the curb every single Monday morning.

The colony of trash-filled garbage bags in the Adelphian laundry room thrived. The laundry room became an obstacle course where participants sidestepped trash bags, navigated past drying brassieres, and dodged the Triscuit boxes that came tumbling down from Recycling Mountain.

In a related development, Yoder recently decided that her time as Trash and Compost Lady had come to an end.

“It’s kinda like the presidency,” Yoder said. “At some point, you need John Adams to take charge.”

We’re planning to send Yoder to the Writing Center on Thursday evening 8 to 10 p.m. to improve her simile-generating skills.

In any case, “former president” Yoder’s legacy inspired awe in her fellow housemates.

“I couldn’t possibly expect to live up to Kate’s legacy of taking out the trash AND compost,” said Maria Jantz, one of Yoder’s housemates.

“That’s why we decided to split the job into two separate chores. This semester, I only have to conquer the rotting food.”

Not to be outdone, Sarah Toews, rumored to be Yoder’s roommate, now takes out the trash.

Yoder has resigned herself to cleaning the kitchen.

“Sure, I miss the smell of freshly rotting fruits and vegetables,” Yoder said. “But I’ve decided it’s time to move on to lesser things. I’m pretty busy.”

Record
Written by Record

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