Alternative roofs to put over your headAuthor: • Nov 29th, 2012 • Category: funnies
By Jon Hershberger and John Miller
As we reach that time of the year where groups form and divide in search of housing opportunities, we have once again become disillusioned with the housing opportunities Goshen offers. Small Group Housing is great and all, but doesn’t reflect the hairpin turns and unexpected encounters life can throw at you. We’ve covered some of the less traditional (but more exciting!) options for students feeling the urge to explore on their own. Give a few of these a shot and write in to let us know how well they work out for you.
Van Down by the River
Although framed by Chris Farley on SNL as a negative thing, living in a van down by the river has many perks. If you’re like us, then you realize the importance of getting enough sleep. If you’re too tired to walk back to the dorms for a ‘tween class nap, no need to walk any further than the nearest parking lot! Strapped for cash? This housing situation can also double as a business. I hear the business department is just waiting to give a grant to a young entrepreneur selling “homemade” food from a van. Finally, living in a van may facilitate relationships with local law enforcement – who would’ve guessed that parking by the Mill Race overnight was illegal?
While the tunnels beneath campus may not seem like the most logical place to live for a semester–spontaneous jets of scalding water can be a nuisance–there are actually many positives to these cavernous creatures. If you’re the type to sleep in and miss your early morning classes, living in the tunnels is the perfect way to stay on top of your schedule. After spending the night wandering past dead ends and precarious drop offs, you’re much more likely to end up passed out near a school building than if you live off campus. Class in the Ad building? We have it on good authority that a number of tunnels open right into the Student Life offices.
Witmer Woods are a lost gem to Goshen students. Many people on campus take the tranquility and seclusion these offer for granted. A choice of Witmer Woods is a choice of independence. While the friendly Goshen police may stroll through from time to time, after enough nights spent gaining the trust and respect of the Witmer squirrels, you’ll be able to sleep at ease knowing your furry friends have your back. Along with rustic companionship, the woods offer an extraordinary view of a lesser-known part of Goshen. Many a biology major has been known to scamper off into the forest, reveling in the beauty hemmed in by traffic on all sides. For a fully private experience, we recommend heading south to set up camp on Blosser’s island. The most ambitious students may even be able to restore the grass-covered bowling lanes into a fully functional alley!
The underpass is the most recent addition to our list of alternative housing options. Although at first we were unable to see benefits to this living space, upon closer inspection we realized that this dwelling really is a gem. A unique feature of this space is its resonant qualities–what may seem like an obnoxiously loud train whistle above ground, becomes, well, there are other benefits. One of these is the uncanny similarity between a professional massage and the train-induced tremors –just imagine how well rested you would feel after a night of these periodic massages. For those who prefer to sleep with the added security of a light on, the underpass goes above and beyond, providing not one light, but many, many lights.